Whoa, that was a giant 'click' sound

I finally get it: I run around begging everyone, especially Christians, for answers, because I want everyone to tell me that there is no god. I just now realized that I need to tell it to myself. Mostly I need to accept the responsibility of telling myself, rather than believing someone else who has told me. I understand my own responsibility to myself now, I have to make the conscious choice to tell myself, to convince myself internally, that it's not true. All this time I've wanted someone else to take the responsibility of convincing me. That's why I've been so frustrated. I have to do that work myself. I get it. I've started. I think it's working.