Saturday, February 13, 2010

Christians, do I have to love this sadistic torturer?

Still looking for some compassion, Christians. You guys really aren't making your god proud yet, but I have hope.

My dad tortured me. That's the root of it all. He tortured me and sexually molested me, but then he would say that he loved me. He wanted my love in return. I begged him for mercy sometimes. Ok, I never actually begged for mercy. I just screamed my head off. That's sort of the same as begging. I hate him. I can never love him. I did fear him for a long time, and I sort of still do, although he's dead now.

Someone tell me how I can separate Yahweh from this man. Yahweh tortures people (or will eventually, and I'm talking about hell in case you don't see it). You simply cannot say that Yahweh is omnipotent and at the same time say that hell isn't his fault, or that it's the choice of the people who are there. There are loads of people who believe Shinto just as firmly as you believe Christianity, and they're not bad people. They're not wrong. They don't deserve hell, any more than I, as an 11-year-old boy, deserved that torture.

Hopefully you can see how preposterous it is to suggest that in order to heal my relationship with that man, I start by praying to him (begging him) to help me to love him. I feel like vomiting just typing that sentence. But surely you can see that Yahweh, in my mind, is that man. I cannot love that god, I simply can't, and you Christians of all people are supposed to be able to show some compassion about that.

All I get from you are these glib answers about how I should pray (beg my sadist dad), or worse, that you and your god have already given me everything I need and I just need to ponder it. Please. I'm 43 years old. I'm very smart. I'm a physicist and an evolutionary biologist. I've done nothing BUT ponder this for 30 years, ever since my dad first told me that I will burn in agony forever. I've come up with nothing in 30 years. That's why I'm begging you people. It has occurred to me that perhaps the intellect, rational thinking, isn't the answer, as I've been trying it for so long. That's another reason I'm here: you guys turn off your rational thinking in order to turn on faith, a different kind of thinking. Is there an answer somewhere in your faith? And please, don't tell me to turn around and hug Yahweh, that's gross, and it will just show me that you haven't even bothered to read this.

Now I'm having PTSD-like symptoms due to the horrifying images that are coming to my mind from 30 years ago. Some of those images are directly from your god. Images of myself screaming in agony. You know, people being burned by fire don't writhe. "Writhe" sounds slow, like you might writhe if you have a stomach ache. In fire, you don't writhe. You flail. And you scream. And you can't breathe, because you breathe in fire. You can't really even scream. It comes out as a raw croak. you can never really catch a breath. Disturbing, disturbing.

Come on, Christians, don't you have anything real? Your god is supposedly the biggest one on the block. Does he really have so little to offer that after spending all night begging you guys for the tiniest shred of wisdom and compassion all I can get is "stop whining and pray about it"?

Think I don't have a question? That's because you lack compassion. The obvious question is this: isn't there some way that I could get a special dispensation from Yahweh? Can't he see that my mind is broken? That it is impossible for me to love him? Is it really too much trouble to ask that I be allowed to cease to exist when I die, rather than burning in agony for all eternity?

Best answer, posted by "Light and Truth":

I am very grieved by this story, if it's true, I will never understand what you went through. To answer your question, the answer as an LDS is yes, you can. As long as you are doing your best, the Lord will fill the rest. All will be compensated and the balance will be restored in the next life. He takes everything into consideration, your intelligence, culture, parents, upbringing, state of mind, feelings, fears, thoughts, the progression you made, what you have accomplished, how you follow your heart. There is no line in the sand for you, no "if I had just done this" you would slip under some bar. You are meted out what you can mete under your conditions. That does not mean that you can somehow take advantage of your position, you must strive to be a better person. God will always give you the benefit of the doubt, or round up.

We believe that you will not be in the same place as your ..... ug, father. The next life is glorious beyond description, more than you can ever hope for. You will be around those you feel comfortable with. And this is not even the final place or "heaven".

My response:

Wow. Mainstream Christians consider Mormons to be, at the least, brothers in error, and at the worst, a manifestation of the Antichrist. Well, Mainstreamers, this Mormon has outdone you for compassion. Screw your theology and its dark labyrinth. Give me compassion any day. Sorry, L&T, I can't love Yahweh, and he's your god too. But your kindness is worth far more than anything Yahweh or your spiritual siblings have ever offered. Thanks.

1 comment:

  1. I believe in God. Not the Christian god, the Islamic god, the Jewish god, or any other named god. What I believe in is a creator being who, believe it or not, really is a god of love. I have no name for this being, only god (or creator, supreme being, but nothing more substantial). This god does not punish those who do not believe in it. Honestly, I don't think it really cares if people even worship it. I believe that when people die, they are given the ability to feel the effects of how they lived their lives. If they lived a life mostly of good, then they will feel the goodness extended throughout to all the people whose life they touched.

    Actions committed that cause pain to others are also felt to all those who were effected by it. But it is not forever. A mere moment in the awesome length of time. This is merely to show their self (their soul) the actions they have committed and the results of which. They will not be able to hide behind religious belief ("my god said it's okay to beat my wife!"), nor an inability to feel emotion in great depth, especially that felt by others (such as sociopath). After which they are granted access to an afterlife of love, warmth, and acceptance. Time has no value, for time is only an illusion of the human mind in this reality. Souls are also granted the chance to reincarnate to the human realm to experience more of what life has to offer.

    Now, I hear detractors saying things such as "if there is such a good god, why is there evil?"

    That is no simple question and requires much more explanation than is that which is allowable in the comment section of your blog. The easiest, although only a small part of the answer, so do not take it as the complete answer, is that when this creator god created this reality, it set into motion everything that needed to pass between then and now. Evolution, biology, cosmology... Everything was set in motion, then this being "stepped back", and let this reality unfold without any further interaction.

    For good or bad, everything that has happened has been the direct result of the preceding event, so forth and so forth back to the beginning. Natural disasters are that - natural events, as described and studied by scientists. Starving and dying children are a result of people who do not care to share their wealth and instead hoard it. (Many people, in the US most notably, live on much more wealth than most people can imagine - millions and millions of dollars, just sitting there, not helping anyone but themselves). All actions and events are a result of previous ones, and most influenced at least in part by humans.

    Why did I write all this? To show you that the idea put forth by the Christians of "god" is not the only vision. That their morality and excuses may one day be challenged by something greater - their own uninhibited conscience.

    Could I be wrong? Sure. I fully understand that. Does it hurt me (and more specifically others) to believe as I do? Not that I can see. In fact, it gives me hope that despite the nonsense and excuses given by the so called "religious" and "saved", their actions do have consequences that will have to be dealt with.

    So with that, again I say this is just another perspective. I do honestly hope I have helped.