Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Lego Mommy: John, Chapters 14 - 20

The 12th and final part of my "Lego Mommy" Series.

Chapter 14
  • Verses 12 - 14: "...anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name...you may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." How can Christians ignore such obvious bullshit? How can anyone say that the bible is the inerrant, inspired word of God?
  • Verse 21: "He who has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me." One word, Jesusianismists: divorce.
  • Verse 28: "...the Father is greater than I." Not God.
  • Verse 30: "...the prince of this world is coming." I always hate seeing an author introduce a promising or intriguing idea into a story, only to fail to elaborate on the idea, showing that he/she still needs to grow a bit as a writer. Given that Jesus is so opposed to idle words, I'm surprised that he allowed this statement to slip into his inerrant writ. He mentions "the prince of this world" again, in Chapter 16, Verse 11, but goes nowhere with the idea.
Chapter 15
  • Verse 13: "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." Bullshit. A mother's love for her child is infinitely greater than the so-called love that motivates a man to get himself executed for inciting rebellion.
Chapter 16
  • Verse 5: "...none of you asks me, 'Where are you going?'" But back in Chapter 14, Verse 4, you said that we know the way to the place where you're going. Why would we ask? I know where you're going: insane, that's where. No, you're already there.
  • Verse 7: "It is for your good that I am going away." That's for sure!
  • Verse 8: Strange that Christians get so worked up when we say "shit" and "damn" and "cocksucker". I find these words of Jesus far more offensive: "sin," "righteousness," "judgment." These are not words I would expect to hear from an infinitely intelligent, infinitely merciful being.
  • Verse 13: When the Spirit of the truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. Given the thousands of denominations of Christianity, I have to assume that this Spirit of truth hasn't arrived yet.
  • Verse 29: "Jesus' disciples said, 'Now you are speaking clearly'"! What? It seems to me that he has simply managed to overload their brain circuitry with sixteen chapters of nonsense.
Chapter 17
  • Verses 20 - 23: "I pray...for those who will believe in me...that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you...May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me..." Seems that Jesus' prayers don't work any better than anyone else's prayers. If there were unity in Christianity, the world might indeed take note. As it is, and as it has been since its invention, Christianity is laughable.
Chapter 18
  • Verses 3, 6, and 7: Judas guides a detachment of soldiers and some officials from the chief priests and Pharisees to an olive grove where Jesus had often met with his disciples. "When Jesus said, 'I am he,' they drew back and fell to the ground. Again he asked them, 'Who is it you want?' 'Jesus of Nazareth,' they replied." Now, were they still on the ground during this exchange, or did Jesus wait for them to get up before repeating his question? Maybe they just continued to lie on the ground, thinking that if he were to re-utter his frightful incantation, "I am he," they would be knocked off their feet again.
  • Verses 29 - 30: Pilate asks the Jews what charges they are bringing against Jesus. Their response is, "If he were not a criminal we would not have handed him over to you." Ok, I have to give Jesus a break on his tendency to evade even simple questions. It seem that it was just part of Jewish culture.
Chapter 19
  • Verse 25: "Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother," who persists in not having a name, all the way through the Gospel according to John.
Chapter 20
  • Verse 31: "...these [miraculous signs] are written that you may believe that Jesus is...the Son of God..." Not God.

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