Lego Mommy: John, Chapter 7

Part 7 of my "Lego Mommy" Series.

• Verse 1: "Jesus went around in Galilee, purposely staying away from Judea because the Jews there were waiting to take his life." Not God.
• Verses 3 - 7: A sniping match between Jesus and his brothers that screams, "Ambitious, charismatic demagogue quarrels with jealous, alienated siblings."
• Verses 8 and 10: "I am not yet going up to this Feast, because for me the right time has not yet come." Footnote alert: some early manuscripts say, "I am not going up to this Feast." But then Verse 10 says, "...after his brothers had left for the Feast, he went also, not publicly, but in secret." So Jesus said that he wouldn't go, but all along he intended to go and just didn't want his brothers to know, because they'd take away some of his limelight. Years later, his followers, embarrassed by his obvious cynicism, added the word "yet' in order to gloss over their hero's weasel factor.
• Verse 13: "...the Jews." I am so sick of reading this phrase. I guess it makes sense, Jesus having set the clear example of being a racist, that his followers, especially his gay lover, would be racists too. Strange that he would be anti-Jewish rather than a Jewish chauvinist as Jesus was.
• Verse 16: "My teaching is not my own." Not God.
• Verse 21: "I did one miracle..." Counting FAIL. I count five miracles up to this point, or at the barest minimum, two, and that's only if you cheat by counting only those miracles that this Gospel explicitly refers to as miracles.
• Chapter 2, Verses 1 - 11: Changing water into wine -- in this Gospel, explicitly referred to as a miracle
• Chapter 4, Verses 50 - 54: Healing a boy who was near death -- in this Gospel, explicitly referred to as a miracle
• Chapter 5, Verse 8: Healing a paralytic
• Chapter 6, Verses 9 - 14: Feeding five thousand men with "five small barley loaves and two small fish" -- in this Gospel, explicitly referred to as a miraculous sign
• Chapter 6, Verse 19: Walking on water
• Verses 22 - 24: Jesus follows the example of all religious demagogues: from his fevered delusions, he fabricates some rules for the supernatural realm, asserts these unfounded rules as fact, then uses his baseless assertions to vilify his opponents. How can Jesusianismists have any respect for this twit? Only by either never reading the bible or always putting on their Yahweh-friendly glasses before reading it.
• Verse 28: "...you know where I am from." Let's go back to Chapter 3, Verse 8, where Jesus gives Nicodemus a hallucination-induced lecture: "You hear [the sound of the wind], but you cannot tell where it comes from. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." Was Jesus not born of the Spirit? What was that rape of a teenage girl about? What was his baptism about? Surely one or the other of these events is enough to show that he was born of the Spirit.
• Verse 31: "When the Christ comes, will he do more miraculous signs than this man?" Umm, you mean more than one? Cos he miraculously forgot the other four.
• Verse 34: "...where I am, you cannot come." Merciful Jesus condemns some unspecified people, presumably the temple guards, to eternal torment in fire. But not only do they refrain from arresting him as they were ordered to do, they praise him to the Pharisees. But it's too late. Jesus has already told them that they cannot come to heaven.
• Verse 42: "Does not the Scripture say that the Christ will come from...Bethlehem?" This would have been a perfect opportunity for the gospel writer to say that Jesus was indeed born in Bethlehem, even if he lived there only for a short time. But he doesn't say that.
• Verse 52: "...a prophet does not come out of Galilee." This doesn't seem to be supported by any Scripture that was known to the Jews at the time, but then again, neither was Matthew's claim in Chapter 3, Verse 23, that the Messiah "will be called a Nazarene." If it's ok for Matthew to make unscriptural claims, then it must be ok for the Pharisees to do so also, right? They're just as correct as Matthew when they assert that a prophet can't come from Galilee. And forget any technicalities saying that he's the Christ, not a mere prophet. He prophesies, therefore he is a prophet, no matter what else he is.