Monday, July 19, 2010

Lego Mommy: John, Chapters 12 - 13

Part 11 of my "Lego Mommy" Series.

Chapter 12
  • Verses 4 - 6: Judas the betrayer of Jesus, complains when Mary wastes some expensive perfume on Jesus. Further, the author describes Judas as a thief, saying that although Judas claimed indignation on behalf of the poor, he didn't really care about the poor, and mentioning that Judas used to help himself to what was put into the money bag. This is quite a different story from the one told in Matthew 26:8 - 9: "The disciples" were indignant, not just Judas. My guess is that since John waited so long to write his gospel, he'd had plenty of time to forget and distort the details.
  • Verse 14: "Jesus found a young donkey..." Found? Both Mark and Luke claim that Jesus sent some of his disciples to retrieve a colt from a nearby village.
  • Verses 20 - 23: In response to some Greeks who requested to see Jesus, our hero of non-sequiturs replies, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified." He says some other things, but it's all bullshit, in no way related to the Greeks' request.
  • Verse 24: "...unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." Biology fail. If a kernel of wheat dies, it does not produce any seeds. It's dead. In order to produce progeny, the kernel must germinate, not die.
  • Verses 34 - 36: Jesus, who came to save the world from damnation, blurts out more bullshit when his listeners ask him for clarification. He goes on about how they should walk in the light, but he sheds absolutely no light on his purpose, his role, or his plans. He'd rather leave them all in the dark, I suppose.
  • Verses 39 - 40: First, once again we see that Yahweh is pulling the puppet strings on all of this. We have no choice whether to believe, given that Yahweh "has blinded their eyes and deadened their hearts, so they can neither see with their eyes nor understand with their hearts, nor turn, and I would heal them." Pretty sick, right? It gets better. This blinding-and-deadening business turns out to be a reference to Isaiah 6:10, but I can't tell which bible John was reading. My NIV shows me that the original Hebrew said,
  • Make the heart of this people calloused; make their ears dull and close their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed.
  • But the creators of the Septuagint seem to have lost their nerve, translating it into Greek thus:
  • This people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed.
  • Seems that John, although misquoting Isaiah, at least kept his nerve up and admitted that our belief has nothing to do with our personal character, and everything to do with Yahweh's whim.
  • Verse 50: "...whatever I say is just what the Father has told me to say." Too bad the Father didn't tell you to say something that makes sense.
Chapter 13
  • Verse 3: "...the Father had put all things under [Jesus'] power..." Even Judas' behavior? Then how can Judas be blamed?
  • Verse 8: "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." So if Peter had refused, he would have gone to hell?
  • Verse 18: "I know those I have chosen." Right, and he has chosen Judas to betray him. Ugly.
  • Verse 33: "Where I am going, you cannot come." Where exactly was he going that even his disciples can't go? Up on the cross? No, he would have said shall not rather than cannot. Into a tomb? No, his disciples go into the tomb in at least one of the accounts. Where did Jesus go?
  • Verse 36: "Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later." Aww, Jesus had a change of heart and decided to let his disciples follow him after all, but later, after Jesus had some chill time.

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