Pseudepigrapha Psalad Psurgery IX(a): Small World, Small God I

 Chapter 1

• Verse 1: "The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave to him..." See also Verse 8, "'I am the alpha and the omega,' says the Lord God..." Note that the author doesn't say, "...says the Lord Jesus". I thought that I wouldn't get another chance to say it: none of the biblical authors ever thought that Jesus is Yahweh.
• Verse 1 again: "He made it known by sending his angel to his servant John..." How is this any different from the angel that visited Muhammad? The angel that visited Joseph Smith? Why should we ascribe any validity to the rantings of this unknown, drug-addled writer?
• Verse 5: "...Jesus Christ, who is...the firstborn from the dead..." Wrong. See Matthew 9:25, as one example among many.
• Verses 17 - 18: "I am the first and the last. I am the living one; I was dead, and behold I am alive..." This sounds like something Jesus would say, if he were indeed Yahweh. But this character never says, "I am Jesus," or "I am the Christ." Looking back to Verse 1, it seems that this formidable personnage is an angel of Jesus Christ, not Jesus himself. Jesusianismists may wish to point to passages such as Chapter 2, Verse 27, "I have received authority from my Father," which suggests that Jesus is the speaker, but note that the trumpet-voiced angel saying all this is telling John what to write, not implying that these are the speaker's claims of identity.

Chapter 2

• Verse 20: The suspiciously unnamed central character of John's vision criticizes Jezebel for leading some to eat food sacrificed to idols. But didn't Paul, in I Corinthians 8:1-8, explain that because an idol is nothing at all in the world, there is no harm in eating such food?
• Verse 23: "I will strike [Jezebel's] children dead." For her sins? Is this a good god?
• Verse 28: "I will also give him the morning star." Isn't Lucifer the morning star? Cool, I've always wanted my very own dark lord.

Chapter 4

• Verse 8: "Day and night they never stop saying, 'Holy, holy, holy,'" blah, blah, blah. This is Heaven's version of "It's a Small World", right? I wouldn't want to be within earshot of this nonsense for more than 30 seconds. Yahweh must be a major narcissist to be able to enjoy this nonstop for eternity. See also the jubilation in Verse 11, and Chapter 5 Verses 9, 10, 12, and 13. Sounds like a great scene, right? I've been to church services like this. But it wouldn't be enjoyable if you knew that this is all you're going to do for eternity. The new wears off of even crystal chandeliers.

Chapter 6

• Verse 5: An unidentified voice among a troop of gorgonoids calls out, "A quart of wheat for a day's wages...and do not damage the oil and wine!" Now if I were recounting to you an important message from the Supreme Being, and I said some random phrase like this in the middle, wouldn't my credibility be reduced, just a little?
• Verse 9: "I saw...the souls of those who had been slain because of the word of God and [their] testimony..." I hate to break this to you, folks, but you can't count yourselves as members of this group, even metaphorically. We persecute you because you're a malignant cancer, endangering us all, not because of your message of love and salvation. If your message were simply love and salvation, we'd like you much better.