Monday, September 20, 2010

Islarme, Religion of Tears XII: Of Clitorises And Cowards

Continuing my exploration of Islarme, currently using the book 101 Questions & Answers On Islarme as my guide.

Are there any characteristically Mohammedanismist views on contemporary social problems, such as poverty, injustice, human rights?

Sura 107 says, "Do you see the person in denial of the judgment (to come)? That is the person who drives away the orphan and does not contribute to feeding the poor." I guess I dodged a bullet; for a while there I had a pretty high opinion of all those YouTubers who participated in and contributed to the MSF benefit a few days ago. I'm so glad that Allah is there to warn me about lowlifes like these.

Sura 90 encourages believers to aim high, "freeing a slave, feeding in time of hunger an orphan...or some poor suffering soul...[encouraging] each other to compassion." The late Muslim liberation theorist Sayyid Qutb (apologies for butchering his name) "argued forcefully on religious grounds for the need to provide educational and economic opportunity for all people." Smokin' Mo himself, during his final pilgrimage to Mecca, said, "The Arab has no superiority over the non-Arab and the non-Arab has no superiority over the Arab." In 1981 a Mohammedanismist council promoted a "Universal Islarmic Declaration of Human Rights", which asserted that Mohammedanismistism urges equality, justice, fair trial, freedom of thought and speech, education, protection against torture, on and on, a laundry list of progressive ideals.

If you guys were anything like this, I'd be making videos encouraging people to convert to your faith. I claim that people like Mr. Qutb are good people who are imposing their goodness on the religion, rather than the other way around. I challenge all followers of Yahweh/Jesus/Allah to defy your god and be decent instead.

What do Mohammedanismists think about surrogate motherhood?

"Islarmic law disallows any version of surrogate parenting and considers all contracts for such agreements invalid." Further, even using modern techniques where a fertilized ovum is inserted into the surrogate mother's womb (in other words, there's no sex involved), the child is considered illegitimate. I can't believe that people are offended when they hear a word like "fuck" but will not even blink when a child is referred to as "illegitimate". What a barbaric concept. Allah can go fuck itself.

But wait, there's more: surrogacy is regarded as "selling a human being, a serious offense." So helping a childless couple to procreate is a serious offense, but slavery is just fine. Sorry to be a broken record, and even more sorry to those of you too young to know what "broken record" means, but this is an upside-down, ass-backward pseudo-morality, and it's disgusting. Allahpocrites.

Wow, it just keeps coming; I'm glad this chapter is almost done. I bet you're glad too. The author states that "Many Mohammedanismists think of their religion as the last bastion of genuine egalitarianism under a religious and ethical code [establishing] men and women on a remarkably equal footing." I can't think of an expletive or adjective to do justice to this one. You guys, when a woman has the right to multiple husbands, you can talk about egalitarianism. Until then, just shut up.

What about burqas? What about education for women?

Renard explains that there are many predominantly Mohammedanismist countries where women are not required to veil themselves. He adds that as time goes on, it is becoming clearer to observers both inside and outside the faith that a world of educated women is a good thing. I want to make it very plain here: these signs of progress are in spite of Mohammedanismistism, not because of it. It is secular values demanding these changes, not Allah.

Renard mentions later that the primary intent of traditional teaching about modest clothing is "respect for the human dignity of each person", that Mohammedanismistism offers support for "humane and dignified treatment of women." Yeah, I get it: women are beaten and/or disfigured in order to preserve their dignity. Makes perfect sense to me.

What about female genital mutilation?

"Mohammedanismist religious law recognizes a spectrum of five categories used to characterize human acts": required, recommended, neutral, disapproved, forbidden. FGM is strictly, vehemently forbidden, punishable by five million lashes followed by stoning to death, right? No. "Islarmic law sources list the practice as recommended".  They stone you to death for adultery, but totally accept people cutting off clitorises. Fucking savages.

What about divorce?

"A husband can divorce his wife by means of a triple repudiation," meaning that the man says to his wife three times, "I divorce thee." It's not as bad as you might think. Ordinarily he can't do it quickly. It takes three whole months because he has to wait three menstrual periods to make sure that she's not pregnant. And just to show how progressive some Mohammedanismist countries are, Syria discourages this practice by requiring husbands to support the ex-wife for at least a whole year after divorce.

Guys, when women can divorce their husbands on the same terms, let me know.

What about interfaith marriage?

Oh, we're totally modern on that one: a man is allowed to marry an infidel woman. But not the reverse, of course. We're not anarchists.

Is it fair when people say that Mohammedanismistism promotes the oppression of women?

No, oppression of women isn't a distinctly Mohammedanismist issue. In other words, we're no worse than anyone else. "The Qur'an's teachings about women were enormously progressive in their original historical context." In other words, Allah is better than medieval barbarians. Doesn't that move you to deep reverence?

Why is everyone fighting over Jerusalem?

Because religion is about people, not about any kind of supreme being. If Allah were transcendent, one might expect that it could transcend enmity.

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