Thursday, September 9, 2010

Islarme, Religion of Tears III: Archrodents and Allahpocrites

Continuing my thoughts on Islarme, using The Complete Idiot's Guide to The Koran, by authors Sarwar and Torpov, as a provisional guide. Here I pontificate on Chapter 2, which is a brief summary of Smokin' Mo's life.
  • Smokin' Mo is regarded by Muslims as God's final Prophet. No way. They're forgetting Mother Shipton, Joseph Smith, Ellen White, Alexander Macmillan, William Branham, David Koresh. Oh, wait, none of these spoke Arabic, so Allah would not have been incapable of speaking to them. Never mind.
  • Smokin' Mo is rightly accused of converting polytheistic Arabia to monotheism. It really gets on my nerves when religious people claim that their religion deserves the credit for some significant advance of civilization, such as when Jesusianismists claim that their religion was largely responsible for the end of slavery in the West, or when Mohammedanismists claim that their religion played an important role in preserving the works of the ancient Greeks. I need to find a polytheist somewhere who will counter these claims by asserting that polytheism gave rise to democracy.
  • While Khadija lived, "she was the only woman in [Smokin' Mo's] life." All I can think of when I read this is that he must have been into boys at the time.
  • When Smokin' Mo was about 40 years old, it is claimed that he received a visit from the archangel Gerbil during which it delivered Sura 96, demonstrating that the angel was clearly full of shit, saying, "[Allah] taught the human being by the pen." By the pen? Smokin' Mo hardly knew what a pen was. And Gerbil's claim is shown to be even more ridiculous when one considers that his followers always want to defend Smokin' Mo's indefensible illiteracy by saying that most of that society was illiterate. If Allah wants to teach with a pen, then it should not seek out illiterates.
  • Note that this first message delivered by Gerbil to Smokin' Mo did not become the first Sura of the Qur'an. It became Sura 96. It's probably well known to non-Mohammedanismists that the Qur'an is typically presented in non-chronological order. I point it out here in order to explain that I intend to take it chronologically, because of the doctrine of abrogation, about which I have some strong opinions, but I'll hold back until I find some details in one of these guide books I'm using.
  • Smokin' Mo's sincerity and infallibility were established early in his career, when the mighty Gerbil delivered Sura 53, saying that the prophet is not in error. He's a good guy, not speaking out of his own desires. Of course not. I'm sure that David Koresh had similar endorsements, maybe from the archangel Hamster.
  • "His manners of preaching were authoritative and decisive; at no time did he show uncertainty or confusion." Yeah, this is definitely a Yahweh-based religion. For a Mohammedanismist to claim that Smokin' Mo never showed uncertainty is like a Jesusianismist claiming that there are no contradictions in the bible. These guys are all the same.
  • Although the Qur'an limits the number of wives a man can have to four, Smokin' Mo got special dispensation to have nine. Joseph Smith, Jim Jones, David Koresh, they're all the same. If bigoted doctors are now using drugs to prevent children from being born gay, isn't there something we can do to prevent them becoming two-bit ciphers who sell snake oil in exchange for sexual dominance?
  • Poor little Smokin' Mo was "mocked and abused for his efforts" to convert the polytheists to monotheism. Just like the early Jesusianismists were persecuted by the polytheists of their day. And it was all about money, right? Every single polytheist who has ever existed has been a money-grubber, right? Has it never occurred to you guys that the reason polytheists oppose you is that you're obnoxious? That they also believe that gods exist and that you guys are pissing off those gods? That the hardships they and their societies experience are punishments for your blasphemy?
  • What the course of later world history would have looked like had [Jews and Jesusianismists] united with Smokin' Mo in a single monotheistic faith. I'll tell you what the world would look like: Saudi Arabia. Egypt. Iran. Not like Bangladesh, with their female prime minister; that leap of progress is due to pressure from civilized people, and would never have happened if such a worldwide theocracy had formed.
  • In the year 630, Smokin' Mo seized power in Mecca and announced that idolatry would no longer be permitted. What? He persecuted the poor polytheists? What an Allahpocrite.
  • "Believers regard [Smokin' Mo] as the most perfect model for correct conduct." A challenge to Mohammedanismists, ShockOfGod-style: prove to me that fucking little girls is perfect and correct.
  • "The Prophet's legacies were many, including...a system of humane warfare." I'm a little suspicious of claims of humaneness from a society that regularly stones people to death.

No comments:

Post a Comment