Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Three small steps forward, one big step back

Yesterday I realized that the book of Revelation in the bible seems like mostly bullshit to me. This didn't hit me quite as powerfully as the creation myth realization. I think that I still fear that there may be some little truth to Revelation. Not sure yet. That's my third step forward so far.

Unfortunately, I took a big step backward today. I sat and tried to imagine a universe in which the end of my life really means the utter end for me: oblivion, not hell. I visualized dying, the feeling of going to sleep, and then nothing. But then, against my will, the vision continued: I suddenly wake up, and for just a brief moment, it's peaceful, bright, a kind of nondescript whiteness. But then the flames start. That's the most powerful vision of hell I've had in a long time. I worry that either I'll always fear hell, or worse, I'll get over the fear of hell and then find myself there anyway after my death. Curse you, Edd Poindexter.

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