Upheaval

Not even sure how to write about the last few days. Something huge is shifting, something about the way I see reality. I don't think that I'm discovering a solution, sad to say. It just seems like something big is changing. Watching a Richard Dawkins interview; he says that it really bugged him to try to explain the apparent design in nature with a designer: it only begged the question of where the designer came from. I just now realized the mind-blowing obviousness of the question, because I've never allowed myself the right to ask about the designer. I've always had this unconscious lid on top of that question. I started to say that kind of question, but maybe that's the only question of its kind. I'm not sure. I'm pretty stoned at the moment.

What if the end of all this is that I convert back to being religious, but worshiping a different god? One who's much more powerful than Yahweh? Or, although it makes me cringe to think it, that it really is Yahweh and I've misjudged him? No, the only way I know Yahweh is via the Bible, so yeah, if there is a god, it's not Yahweh.

Denys Turner now, he's making a case that god is the thing that comes to you in a flash of inspiration when you're at wit's end. I call that the "It was in the last place I looked for it!" principle. Of course when you have a good idea, it gets you out of the place you're in. If you hadn't had a good idea, then you wouldn't have noticed it. Confirmation bias, it seems like.