Thursday, August 26, 2010

Now Hiring Quality Assurance Personnel

My thoughts on the last two books of the bible that might be authentic. Jude in particular is problematic for those who claim that the bible is inerrant, but James has some doozies as well.


Chapter 1
  • Verses 10 - 11: "...the one who is rich...will pass away like a wild flower...the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business." I'll make this the last time I say it: Jesusianismists, you guys are in so much trouble.
  • Verse 17: "...the Father...does not change like shifting shadows." It seems to me that Jesusianismists become suspicious whenever someone admits that he is wrong. They prefer a god that starts off wrong and stays wrong forever, rather than one that can say, "I'm sorry." I've heard way too many of them complain that science keeps "changing its mind". Guys, what's really happening is that we're getting closer to the truth, pruning out any ideas that don't hold up to scrutiny. You should try it; it's a lot more intellectually honest than your rigid superstitions.
  • Verses 22 - 24: "Do not merely listen to the what it says...the man who looks intently into the perfect law...not forgetting...but doing it...will be blessed." I'm still trying to figure out how Jesusianismists ignore so much of the clear and unambiguous instruction in the bible. I even made a YouTube video about it.
  • Verse 27: "Religion that God our Father look after orphans and widows..." How many of you are doing this?
Chapter 2
  • Verses 6 - 7: "Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? Are they not the ones who are slandering the noble name of [Jesus]?' If there ever was a timeless and/or prophetic statement in the bible, this is it. You guys really should take a close look at your Tea Party, your Republican Party, your church leaders; they really are exploiting you and your ignorance.
  • Verse 10: "...whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at one point is guilty of breaking all of it." If you get a divorce, you have become a lawbreaker. It's one thing to fall into sin, like accidentally seeing porn in your email and becoming aroused by it. It's another thing entirely to make a conscious, deliberate, premeditated decision to slap poor Jesus in the face by getting a divorce. You Prop 8 people really are terrible hypocrites, and your priorities are completely upside-down. The number of couples getting a divorce is far greater than the number of gay couples attempting to marry. Why aren't you having rallies to outlaw divorce by constitutional amendment?
  • Verse 25: Rahab the prostitute / innkeeper / taco cart proprietor was considered righteous for lying about the spies she was hiding. See Joshua 2 : 1 - 7 for details. Islam alert! It's ok to lie if it furthers the cause of your deity, no matter how evil or bloodthirsty it is.
Chapter 3
  • Verse 1: "Not many of you should presume to be teachers...because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." All of you radio hosts, authors, pundits, YouTubers, take note.
  • Verse 12: "...can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs?" I don't know, can a righteous and merciful deity kill babies, or an omniscient and loving god-man advise people not to wash their hands before they eat?
  • Verse 17: "...the wisdom that comes from heaven is...peace-loving, considerate, submissive...impartial and sincere." Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Bill O'Reilly, Allen West, read your bible!
Chapter 4
  • Verses 11 - 12: "Anyone who...judges [his brother]...judges [the law]...who are you to judge your neighbor?" This flies in the face of I Corinthians 5:12. The house of Jesusianism is divided against itself, "and there was much rejoicing."
Chapter 5
  • Verses 1 - 5: " rich people, weep and wail...your wealth has rotted...[its] corrosion will testify against you...the wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against have lived on the earth in have fattened yourselves..." All you people who oppose living wage ordinances, minimum wage regulations, all you who nickel-and-dime employees who are barely getting by, this one's for you.
  • Verse 12: " not swear...let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No" no, or you will be condemned." Echoing the words of Jesus in Matthew 5:34-37. Many Jesusianismists want to challenge atheismists to "deny the Holy Spirit," which is a reference to Matthew 12:31-32, where Jesus says that anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit "will not be forgiven". How is "will be condemned" different from "will not be forgiven"? They seem identical to me. The fact that this verse in James doesn't seem to prey on the minds of Jesusianimists in the same way as the verse in Matthew is just another example of this strange Jesusianismist habit of contemptuously dismissing clear instructions in the bible. Until recently, U.S. courts required people to swear on a bible to tell the truth. All of those people who obeyed that requirement are condemned, right? Why were there no Jesusianismist rallies to make a new amendment to get rid of this sinful swearing-in method?
  • Verse 14: "Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord." Who does this?
  • Verse 15: "...the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well..." Oh really? Tell me again that the bible is inerrant?
  • Verses 6 and 9: "...the angels who...abandoned their own home," and I'm pretty sure that Satan would be included in this bunch, "...he has kept in darkness, bound with everlasting chains..." But then he goes on to talk about "the archangel Michael...disputing with the devil about the body of Moses". So Satan, bound with everlasting chains, somehow managed to get Michael's attention? Why wouldn't Michael just ignore him?
  • Verses 8 and 15 - 17: dreamers, polluters of their own bodies, slanderers of celestial beings (?!?), speakers of harsh words against the Lord, grumblers, faultfinders, boasters, flatterers, scoffers: these are the types of people of whom Yahweh disapproves. Never mind about slavery, rape, torture, child abuse, environmental irresponsibility, cruelty to animals, and the like; Yahweh doesn't mind those so much.
  • Verses 9 and 14: Jude refers to the book of Enoch and another writing that might have been called The Assumption of Moses, or The Testament of Moses, or The Ascension of Moses. I will have to research this before I can say anything intelligent about it. But if the book of Jude is the inspired, inerrant word of the Supreme Being, then why are these books of Enoch and Moses not included in the canon?

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